Your Hand in Mine
by Lala Sharada
Summary: After Dean and Cas are married, they unexpectedly find themselves raising a child together. It might not exactly be the life that they were looking for, but they couldn't be happier with the one that they do end up with. Until the day comes that Dean and Cas have secretly been dreading for years and their son is inevitably put in danger from the ever present supernatural forces.
1. Welcome to Parenthood

**A.N: Okay, my first ever foray into Supernatural and I give you domestic Daddy Destiel. Of course, have you seen my M.O.? I just felt like writing this because ever since Season 9's Bad Boys, I've had a hankering for Dean and Cas adopting that little boy, Timmy and becoming a family. Now, this story isn't exactly that, but it gives me my Daddy Destiel fix, anyway. **

**This story is somewhat canon compliant, I'm at least following the events of the show up until the mid season finale of Season 9. Let's just say that there is no Mark of Cain for Dean- which means no demon!Dean -he and Sam fixed up their co-dependency issues and both are happy healthy adults, living lives of normalcy. Cas is human and he and Dean are married in this verse. Both Winchester boys hunt every now and again, but they take it on more as just something to do on the side.**

**-My goal is to have this story finished before the hiatus is up and done in time for Season 10 to air. I do have a clear direction I'm headed and a story that I need to tell for Dean and Cas's family, and I've been working on it very diligently so far. And I can't abandon this baby, because I've put way too much into it already, so no need to get discouraged if updates get to be too long and in between, which probably won't happen anyway.**

**Okay, without further ado, read on! And please, enjoy! **

* * *

His high-pitched wails crackled through the baby monitor on Cas's nightstand, and as soon he was awake enough to register his son's crying through his very, very, sleep-deprived state, Castiel groaned loudly as he unwillingly opened his eyes.

He reached out and tried to turn down the volume on the monitor, groping at it uselessly in the dark before grabbing up the little noise machine and twisting the dial on the side down to zero. Blessed silence was returned to him once again. With a heavily weary sigh, he turned back around and shook Dean's shoulder.

"The baby's crying, Dean."

"Hmm . . . yeah?" Dean blearily replied back, barely awake himself, crinkling his nose in disdain at the pool of wet drool on his pillow that he was currently sleeping in.

Castiel gently pushed on Dean, trying to roll him out of bed. "Go and get him," he demanded.

"Why can't you?" Dean snapped back, clearly not happy with the rude awakening. Luke never seemed to stop crying anyway, Dean had gotten just as much sleep as Castiel had over the last week and he certainly didn't need Cas shoving him out of bed so unceremoniously this late at night, either.

"Because I did it last time and I need to sleep," Cas turned away from his husband and buried his face down into his pillow, dashing any hope Dean might've had for changing Castiel's mind on the matter. With a long resigned sigh, Dean sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He rubbed at his eyes and ran his hands over the stubble growing on his face. God, when was the last time he'd shaved? It'd been a couple of days at least, that was for sure.

"Jeez, you sure are grumpy in the middle of the night, Cas," Dean grumbled. It wasn't his best dig, but it was too late and he was too damn tired to come up with anything better.

"I have every right to be," Castiel growled. "I've only had about five hours of sleep over the past two nights combined," his words were muffled as he hid his face in his pillow, the quilt tucked up to his chin. It was like Cas hoped that if he borrowed down deep enough, he'd be able to escape Luke's ever strident cries, as they could now clearly hear him from the nursery down the hall. That boy had some pipes.

"Welcome to parenthood, baby."

Castiel groaned into his pillow and Dean couldn't help but chuckle. At least they could share in this misery together. It'd been a rough couple of weeks, Luke seemed to be right on the verge of being diagnosed with colic and things were starting to get strained around their house. As Luke became more and more fussy and inconsolable, finding time to simply relax and breathe had been difficult. Time to actually spend together, whether it be intimate or otherwise was slowly dwindling. But, Dean was confident that they would make it through this and he had Cas's ever wavering support in him to thank for that.

Feeling a burst of gratitude towards his husband, Dean twisted back around and lay down flat on his stomach. His body stretched diagonally across the bed, Dean's breathy laugh brushed Castiel's ear. He pressed a gentle kiss to his messy dark hair. "Sleep tight, angel."

Even in the dark bedroom, Dean knew that he'd left a smile on Castiel's face as he got up and walked out the door.

Dean shuffled down the hallway, still half-asleep and yawning loudly. He opened Luke's door and stepped inside the nursery, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey there, Lukey," he greeted him warmly, and he'd deny it all till his dying breath, but Dean's voice may have raised in pitch as he spoke to his crying son. "Why you so fussy, huh?"

Dean reached down into the crib and picked up his squirming little boy. At seven-months-old, Luke's only way of communicating his problems and grievances was through his crying, which he just happened to have a very special and sometimes very worrying talent for. Dean hoped for the umpteenth time that the colic would be kept at bay and this was just a phase for Luke. Cradling the baby in his arms, Dean checked him over and found Luke's diaper clean and not a mark on him, so he wasn't hurt nor did he need to be changed.

"What's the problem, buddy?" he crooned, putting Luke up on his shoulder, where the baby liked it best. Dean had lost count of how many time Luke had passed out on him, snuggled up on his chest and drooling all over his shoulder.

Dean scanned the room, eyes running over the salt line on the nursery window, it wasn't broken and as far as he could tell there weren't any monsters lurking around inside the closet. Looking underneath the rug by the crib, he was satisfied to see the Devil's Trap was still intact, no scuff marks and just as bright red as the day they first painted it on the floor of the nursery. Checking to make sure the spray bottle of holy water on top of Luke's dresser was still full and then deciding to mark off the entire checklist, he went ahead and rooted around inside the dresser drawers for hex bags and checked underneath the changing table for any ghouls, just to make absolutely sure.

Whatever was going on, Dean was sure Luke hadn't been spooked by anything.

"I know Cas fed you a couple of hours ago," Dean muttered, talking to his still whining son, Luke's tears were still coming, though he wasn't being as vocal about it now.

"You feeling okay?" He lifted up Luke's cotton night shirt and Dean rubbed his small back, trying to feel for a possible temperature. Moving his hand in small soothing circles across his back, he eventually brought it up to cradle his peach fuzzed downy brown head. Kissing his forehead, Dean pressed his lips there for a moment, still seeking a temperature, but he found no trace of a fever.

"You were just crying to hear yourself, then, huh?" Luke had quieted down, though he was still sniffling. Dean started his way out of the room, carrying on with his one-sided conversation. "Okay, how about some TV? Is that alright with you, Luke?"

The baby blinked back at him, his tears ebbing and Dean took his somewhat curious little scrunched up face as a Yes. But, by the time he'd made it down the hall and had reached the downstairs foyer, Luke was all done with his crying fit and perfectly content in his father's arms.

"Oh, now you stop. As soon as I turn around and try and put you back to bed, you're going to start crying again, aren't you?" Dean deadpanned, as he bounced Luke lightly in his arms and internally groaned at his odds. The babies big brown eyes stared back at him, his face utterly indifferent and open at the moment, all traces of Luke's previous tantrum gone.

With a long sigh, he decided not to risk it and Dean continued on to the living room. He sat down on the couch and after flipping through the channels, he settled on an old rerun of_ Dr. Sexy MD._ Putting the volume down low, Luke was resting comfortably up on his shoulder, legs and arms curled up against Dean's chest.

He watched the TV with Dean for awhile and he maybe got all of fifteen minutes in before he started whining again and kicking his legs out, rearing his head up off Dean's shoulder, clearly unsettled.

Deciding to switch positions, Dean quickly turned off the TV, wrapped the baby up in his arms and then lay down, stretching out on the length of the couch, the pillows propping his upper body up some. He settled Luke down on his chest, his little feet stretching to Dean's belly button, as he kept a comfortable hold on him, so Luke wasn't in any danger of rolling off of Dean. "Is that better, Luke?"

His previous whining ceased, Luke gave off a sigh, whether one of content, relief or just plain tired, Dean wasn't sure. But either way, there was a certain finality to it, like he was finally ready to fall back asleep.

Dean gave off his own sigh as well, hoping to get some good shut-eye while he could and just as his eyes were about to flutter closed, he realized that Luke's gaze was still trained steadily on him, his large eyes staring back at him in the dark. It made Dean uneasy, like Luke was expectantly watching him, waiting for something. Goosebumps crawled along his skin as Dean wondered what in the world Luke could possibly want and was a little worried that he wouldn't be able to give it him.

Dean went through the check list in his head; Luke was warm, content, had a clean diaper on and was secure in his arms. What more could he possibly need to go to sleep?

Thinking on it a few moments more, it suddenly came to him. "Do you want a lullaby, bud?" The soft quiet of his words as they rolled off his tongue and the way his gruff voice rumbled throughout his chest seemed to be answer enough as Luke settled even deeper into Dean's embrace, tucking his head comfortably underneath his chin, another contented little sigh bubbling past the babies lips.

With a fond nostalgic smile, Dean quietly began to sing, rubbing Luke's back in small soothing circles. He certainly wasn't the best singer but it happened to be just good enough for Luke.

"_Hey, Jude . . ._

_Don't make it bad  
take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
then you can start to make it better . . ."_

Dean sang the entire song through twice in a row before he finally realized that Luke had fallen fast asleep.

* * *

Castiel shifted around in bed, and as they usually started out most mornings, he reached out to Dean for some cuddles, which would then hopefully turn into a bit of loving before Luke woke up. Intimacy had been hard to come by since Luke had been dropped off on their doorstop seven months ago, so they'd- albeit very frustratingly -found ways to be together around the feedings, nap times, dirty diapers and all of the crying. Early morning tended to work out for them most days since Luke blessedly preferred to sleep in when he wasn't crying out for his morning bottle. Ever since Luke's maybe-colic symptoms had started up, time together had been even more difficult to come by.

With eyes still closed and only half awake, Cas was very surprised that, instead of a warm, muscular Dean, all he got was cold pillows and sheets. Startled, he snapped his eyes open and sat up. He was sure Dean had come back to bed last night . . . hadn't he? Had he really been so out of it that he imagined it all? Shaking his head to clear it of the cobwebs, Castiel stumbled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. Going pee and then washing his hands at the sink, he splashed some cool water on his face, waking himself up even more.

Making his way down the stairs and then entering the living room, he finally saw why his most favorite person wasn't available for cuddles. It was because _he _was currently cuddling with Cas's most other favorite little person.

Castiel smiled fondly down at his husband and son, both snoozing away on the couch. A special sort of warmth invaded his heart at the sight; a feeling he had first experienced only ever around Dean. It made him feel light and happy, an overwhelming sort of joy that he was starting to experience more and more of with his little family. It was the kind of thing that made all of his frustrations and groaning worth it. This newfound life as parents was damn well difficult and was taxing Castiel's humanity to the limit- he didn't understand what true exhaustion was like before Luke.

But, it was when he was privy to little moments like this- unexpected moments that carved out an ever growing space of warmth and love in his heart, with his boy and his husband, that made Cas grateful for the life that they did have together. It hadn't been exactly easy to get to this place in their lives, either.

It was only after Metatron was defeated, Abbadon was eradicated and Dean and Sam had finally begun to honestly work on their shared issues after the fallout that Dean and Castiel had finally realized their undeniable feelings for each other- Sam and Charlie both calling it long before they actually got together.

Cas's borrowed grace had backfired on him, nearly killing him in the process and he had worked with the Winchester's to expel it from his body. Afterwards, he had been left mortal and since all of his angel army had returned to Heaven, Dean had eagerly offered Cas a room in the bunker, to which he was ever grateful for. The three boys had all been settling into the bunker just fine, Sam and Dean having finally hashed out all of their problems, when Charlie suddenly came back from the Land of Oz, sporting a new very short haircut and a new girlfriend of the magical fairy kind, named Iris.

Castiel remembered Dean telling him that he appreciated Charlie's game, because even though she was in another dimension, Charlie still met, fell for and successfully convinced a "Daughter of the Rainbow," to come back to the human world with her and live together as a couple.**(1) **Ever since her make out session with Gilda, Charlie admitted that she'd been a little fairy obsessed and found normal humans too boring for her tastes, anyway. On this side of the veil, Iris did not have her wings, but she did obtain some of her magical powers and fairy dust.

Castiel quickly bonded with Iris over the fact that both been thrust into the world of humanity and were trying to get the hang of it all. He shared with her his experiences so far as a human, even when he'd been homeless. He remembered fondly when they'd both sit in the kitchen and fire off questions at random, as Charlie and the Winchester's went about making whatever sort of large meal, watching and studying the other's with fascination and curiosity. Iris would excitedly find Cas later, wherever he was in the bunker to explain all the odds and ends of the coffee maker and how it worked, when Charlie finally gave Iris her Kitchen Appliances 101 lesson. Since Charlie wasn't sure what to do with a magical fairy straight from Oz right out of the gate, she and Iris, after the boys kindly invited the girls a room, decided to stay in the bunker with the three boys until they could get on their feet.

They all somehow became a disjointed little family, their lives settling down in to what the Winchesters deemed normal. The brother's would take up the odd hunting job when it came up, Iris and Cas soaked up all they could about humanity and enjoyed the brand new lives that they were embarking on. Charlie was witty and as helpful as ever, the downstairs computer room deemed her Command Center when Sam and Dean needed help out on a case. And most reassuring of all, the world, for once wasn't threatening to crumble beneath their feet. It was just Sam, Dean, Cas, Charlie and Iris, their lives blending together into a somewhat happy and content mixture there in the bunker. For Castiel, it was much better than being kicked out on the street, anyway.

Dean told Castiel about all of this much later, but it was only after he'd had a very frank and candid discussion with Charlie one night, when they both had had a little too much to drink and everyone else had gone to bed, that the truth about Dean's bisexuality came out. Charlie was jabbering on and on about how much she really loved and cared for Iris, how she wanted to get a real place together and actually put down some roots with her. It was something she had yet to discuss with Iris and only through the helpfully tongue loosening effects of alcohol, did she suddenly reveal all of this to Dean in full.

Dean had curiously asked her when Charlie knew that she was gay and how she learned to be okay with it. Charlie had quickly told him and then flippantly made a chortling comment on Dean's love for Castiel, having read the books and seen them in action at the bunker, she truly did wonder if their feelings went deeper than just platonic. She'd made a couple of witty little quips at the both of them in the past, just trying to get a playful rise, but it had usually ended up making Castiel confused and Dean very uncomfortable. If Sam was nearby, Charlie would catch his knowing little smirk. To her it was obvious, Dean and Cas totally had feeling for each other and apparently, everyone else had caught on to it, too.

All of a sudden, the booze having loosened his tongue as well, Dean proclaimed his love for Cas right then and there, practically shouting it at Charlie. They'd then discussed Dean's attraction to men, weighing it in with his attraction to women, and then Dean came to the realization that it was just Cas. No one on this earth had impacted Dean as strongly as he, Cas being the one that Dean wanted to take a chance on. The only one he'd be willing to risk everything for besides Sam.

The next day, after their drunken stupors were slept off and their heads were much clearer, Dean found a quiet moment with Charlie and anxiously confronted her on the matter of his bisexuality, swearing her to secrecy. She'd said she wouldn't tell, remembering how hard her coming out had been, but Charlie also encouraged Dean to tell Sam, and especially Castiel.

A couple of days later, Castiel had been in his room, engrossed in a history textbook, when Dean had knocked on his door and tentatively asked if he could come in. Cas had allowed him entry and Dean had then confessed his feelings for him outright.

Dean was about halfway through his nervously fumbling speech when Castiel had swept him up in a whirlwind kiss, cutting Dean off sharply and finally giving into every impulse he'd been fighting off around Dean since he first raised the man from perdition. Dean no longer feared of any backlash from Castiel about his feelings after that.

Sam had only found out after walking in on them making out in the kitchen and just like that, the truth was out. Of course, Sam didn't mind and accepted them whole-heartedly, happy about it as long as Dean and Cas were okay with it, having been witness to all of their eye-fucking over the years and Dean's more than obvious and horribly discreet attraction to Castiel. Sam actually playfully scolded Dean for not making a move sooner. Besides, the Winchesters had suffered enough in their lifetime that Sam wasn't going to hinder any sort of peace his big brother could find in this life, knowing how sorely hard it was for him to come by.

Soon after Castiel and Dean had gotten together, and truthfully everyone was fed up with their ridiculously frequent and downright horny public make out sessions, they were the first to move out of the bunker. Finding a two bedroom house to rent in Lawrence, Kansas, Castiel was more than happy to settle down wherever Dean wanted. Charlie and Iris were next, moving to an apartment in Falls City, Nebraska. Sam stayed at the bunker for awhile, taking on solo hunting jobs or tag teaming with Garth, and then about a year and a half later, he showed up in Lawrence for his big brother's wedding and finally got a place for himself while he was in town.

Castiel and Dean agreed on a simple, quick and legal marriage at the Justice of the Peace here in Lawrence. Sam, Charlie and Iris attended as both honored guests and stood in for witnesses. They'd celebrated all together afterwards at Dean and Cas's house and for the first time Castiel thinks in forever, both he and Dean had never been happier.

Cas had discreetly overheard Dean with Sam, when he went looking for him so they could cut in to the wedding cake Charlie had bought for them. Castiel heard Dean exclaim something as he'd been marveling at his ring, glinting silver on his hand, standing with his brother in the foyer.

"Dude, I'm married!"

"I know, Dean. I was your Best Man, remember?"

"I married Cas, man! Sam, wow- this is just really freaking awesome, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Dean, it's great and I'm really happy for you."

Dean's wide, unhindered grin was forever burned into Cas's mind, a moment he would never let himself forget, because Dean had never looked more beautiful to him than in that single breath. But then Dean's voice was quiet when he responded, as if he was admitting it to himself alone.

"I'm happy, too, Sammy."

It'd now been four and half years since their wedding day and Castiel marveled at how far he'd come since the day he fell from grace. Looking fondly down at his ring hand, he couldn't deny that he'd gained so much more in this life as a human, than he ever did in his millennia as an angel. Rescuing Dean Winchester from perdition had been one of the single most significant things he'd ever done, and he'd done so many great and amazing works when part of the holy host. But, for Castiel, Dean was the one exception. If he hadn't met Dean, Castiel wouldn't have Luke to call his son.

Knowing that it was taboo to wake an infant baby before he himself decided to awake, Cas was quiet as he grabbed a throw blanket from over the back of the loveseat and spread it over Dean and Luke on the couch. Neither even stirred and Castiel grinned warmly down at them, finding it amusing that even though Luke might not be biological related to him or Dean, he'd somehow been able to acquire his father's rock hard sleeping habits. When he was down, Luke was down and out for the count, same as Dean.

Leaving them be, he tiptoed quietly past them to get to the kitchen so he could start making breakfast.

As he started to mix up Luke's baby formula, Castiel thought back on the past seven months and how much his life had changed since Luke had entered it.

* * *

_Sam jogged up the drive, trying to keep the bundle in his arms shielded from the downpour. Lightning streaked across the sky and thunder boomed up in the heavens, the babies cries nearly drowned out by the storm._

_Sam knocked on the door, banging on it with his fist, finally having some cover from the rain underneath the overhanging porch._

_He knew it was the middle of the night, he knew there was a monsoon happening right now and he'd only just come off a case, but god damnit, they were all he had available to him at the moment._

_The porch light flicked on and then Dean opened the door, a concerned frown on his face. "Sam? Are you okay?"_

_"Here. Take the baby," Sam thrust the bundle into his brother's arms._

_Dean looked down, confused and more than frightened to find that he was holding on to a swaddled infant._

_"Sam? What the hell!"_

_"I'm really sorry, Dean, but I have to go. It's a long story, but I don't have time. The cops will be at the house soon." Sam started backing away from the door and out into the rain._

_"I'll be back as quick as I can. Promise! Just take care of the baby!" he yelled out over the storm._

_"Sam!" Dean shouted back._

_But Sam was already gone, peeling out of the driveway and heading down the street. Dean was left on the porch, very concerned and very confused, with a screaming baby in his arms._

* * *

**A.N: This chapter is more of an extended prologue and serves to explain how Dean and Cas got together, but the next one will tell of how they got Luke.**

**1) I wanted to let you guys know that Iris is an actual fairy from the Oz books, she's part of some family of fairy sisters, and they really are dubbed the Daughter's of the Rainbow. Seeing as she's gay and Charlie has a thing for fairies, I figured why not she come back and take one home with her, especially since the Winchester's are sorely lacking in extended family. *Moment of silence for Kevin.* Anyway, I wanted to let you guys know that I wasn't just making her up and I do aim for accuracy in my writing. **


	2. The Story Of Us

**A.N: This one covers the night Luke first came to them and is told mostly in flashbacks as Castiel is still reminiscing on that. And it picks up right where the last one left off. Long flashback scene is long, sorry, but it needed to be done. **

* * *

_Dean watched as Sam's car gunned back down the street, the rain coming down hard and heavy, thunder rumbling in the distance. Holding the baby in his arms, he closed the front door with his foot and when he turned around, he came face to face with a sleep-rumpled Cas, whose brows were knit together in a concerned frown, disturbed by all the sudden noise entering his home in the middle of the night. His eyes landed on the squirming crying bundle in Dean's arms. "Why do you have a baby?"_

_"Apparently, Sam has some explaining to do," Dean moved further into the house, passing his husband and going into the living room. Castiel followed him. "Sam dropped a baby off?"_

_"Just fucking threw it at me! What the hell are we supposed to do with a baby, Cas?" Dean angrily expressed his frustration, looking down at the baby like it was some sort of awful abomination."Ugh." _

_Cas switched on the overhead light as Dean sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh,"I think he just came off a case or something and didn't have anything else to do with the baby," he explained further. "Unless Sam knows something I don't and he just happened to father a kid." Dean pulled the blankets back from the babies face, suddenly suspicious now that he was thinking about it and wanted to double check for himself. Did this kid have Sam's dimples? Or his brother's dark brown thick head of hair? The baby didn't seem big enough to be Sam's kid. Surely any children Sam might have would be ten pound babies at least. The baby was still screaming, tears leaking from his eyes. There were a couple of wispy brown hairs on his head, but Dean doubted that he belonged to Sam. _

_As Dean continued to check him out, Cas looking over his shoulder, they noticed despite how tightly swaddled the baby was, it's blankets and clothes were slightly damp. The baby was also tiny, like really small. Castiel surmised that it must only be a couple of weeks old. "We should probably change its clothes and feed the baby. I'm sure it'll feel better soon," Castiel said, trying to calm Dean and he also figured it would be the best way to get the baby to stop crying._

"_With what, Cas? We don't exactly have any baby supplies on hand. This isn't Babies-R-Us."_

_"Give the baby to me," Cas held out his arms. "I'll find an old pajama shirt or something and I can dry the blankets, too."_

_Dean gave off a wearisome sigh. "Sam will be back, soon. I guess we'll take the baby to the hospital in the morning and they can figure out what to with it, then." He stood up from the couch and handed the crying baby off to Castiel, then moved into the kitchen to grab his keys off the hook above the counter. _

_"Where are you going?"_

_"To Walmart. If we're going to have this little tyke with us all night, we're going to need baby stuff. Diapers and formula and all that crap." Castiel nodded in understanding as Dean headed out to the garage._

_Hearing the revving up of the Impala, a warm guttural growl as it echoed in the space of the garage, Castiel went to the laundry room. He unwrapped the baby on top of the washer, its little legs kicking out once they were free, arms flailing, as he continued to cry. There were about three different blankets all cocooned around his body and when Castiel undid the last blanket, a soft, light blue one with a navy blue border, he saw that there was a name stitched onto the side in the same shade of navy blue: _**Lucas**

_Figuring that must be his name, Castiel smiled down at the infant. "Oh, well hello, Lucas."_

_"Let's get you out of those wet clothes." Cas began to unbutton his long footie pajamas and once he was bare- luckily Lucas had a clean diaper on –he threw everything in to the dryer._

_"Okay, c'mon," he put the baby up on his shoulder, heading out of the laundry room and going to his and Dean's bedroom._

_Bothered by his insistent crying and having no other way to soothe him, Castiel began to hum softly to the baby as he headed up the stairs. It didn't work very well, though Lucas seemed to quiet some and listen to him for a minute, he was crying again by the time Castiel had made it to the bedroom._

_Slightly defeated, Cas laid Lucas down on the bed. After rooting around in their pajama drawer, he came back to the squirming baby with a soft white cotton pajama shirt of Dean's in hand. Lucas would most certainly swim in his shirt, but they didn't have anything else for him at the moment. As he leaned over the baby, Castiel noticed that Lucas had bruises running up and down his body. Some were purple and dark, and were obviously very recent. Others were beginning to yellow and fade, those maybe being a week old. _

_With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he continued to dress him, going slow and hyper-careful of how he got the baby into the shirt, not wanting to cause him any more harm. No wonder he was crying so much, Lucas was probably hurting. "What in the world happened to you, little one?"_

* * *

_"Okay, Sam, explain," Dean demanded as they all sat down in the living room. Castiel was feeding the baby a bottle of formula Dean had picked up at the store and he seemed sated enough with that, his tears having finally stopped._

_Sam had just gotten back about twenty minutes ago, changed out his wet, dirty clothes and was granted a small breather, while Dean and Cas got Lucas settled down, before Dean cornered his brother. Even so, he gave off a heavy sigh, as if trying to gather himself back together in order to tell his story._

_"A ghoul popped up right outside of Lawrence. Garth had been trying to hunt it down and then put me on the case because he had some emergency to deal with at home. I wasn't too far away, tracking down a nest of vamps."At Dean's look of alarm, Sam quickly supplied, "I was actually just about to call you in for backup the other day, Dean." _

"_Anyway, Garth said the ghoul case was important and I figured I could wrap it up quick, gank him and get back to the vamps. But, I underestimated the damn thing. It was running rampant and it took me days to track him, cuz he kept changing his form and crap. But, it still stayed relatively within the same town. Finally, I spooked it enough that it took the form of some single mom and actually killed her fresh." Sam's voice grew hard as he continued. "It was awful, Dean. The ghoul had the woman's remains everywhere, it was all around the house. I took the ghoul out and when it was all over, that's when I heard the baby crying upstairs."_

_Dean quickly put two and two together. "So, this baby was that woman's child?"_

_Sam nodded, swiping a hand through his hair as he did so. "Yeah. I just panicked. Cops weren't gonna know what to do with two different bodies, both with the same DNA and then I had the baby to deal with, too. So, I dropped him off here with you, and then went back and buried the ghoul. There was nothing I could do for the mother."_

_Dean nodded in understanding, elbows on his knees and chin in his hands. "What are you planning on doing with the kid?"_

_Sam shrugged, "There wasn't any family members I could find on the moms cellphone, no dad either. I was just gonna drop him off at the hospital tomorrow morning- um, if that's okay with you?" Sam suddenly realized that he had no idea if Dean and Cas were okay with having a baby spend the night at their house. _

_Sam eyed both his brother and brother-in-law, waiting for a response._

_"Oh, I forgot to say, his name is Lucas," Castiel provided._

_"What?"_

_Dean whipped around to face his husband. "How can you possibly know that, Cas?"_

_"Sam wrapped him up in all of his blankets and there was a name stitched on to one of them. It was Lucas, so that must be his name."_

_"Oh," Sam said._

_Dean, shaking his head, turned back to Sam, "Right, okay. Well Sammy, we've already got supplies for uh- Lucas, over here, so I think it's okay if he stays over. It's only one night. How bad could it be?"_

_Just as the words left his mouth, Lucas let go of his bottle and began to cry. A startled frown crossed Castiel's face, as he suddenly felt very ill-prepared. He'd just fed him and finally got him to calm down. What could possibly be the problem, now?_

_"Shit. I spoke too soon," Dean groaned._

_Sam laughed at Dean's lament and offered to take the baby from Castiel, trying to defer his alarm and volunteering to burp Lucas for him._

* * *

_The three of them ended up staying up all night with little Luke, as it was too late in the evening- or rather too early in the morning – to go back to sleep anyway, and even if they had been able to sleep, the baby would have just woken them right back up._

_Luke was fussy and uncomfortable, even after he was fed, burped and wearing a changed diaper. Even when he was finally back in his own warm footie pj's, wrapped up in his special blue "namesake" blanket, he was forever whiny and inconsolable._

_It was four in the morning and Sam was nodding off on the couch, jerking awake every time Luke's piercing wails reached his ears. Castiel stood helplessly alongside Dean, whom was rocking the baby in his arms, trying futilely to soothe him._

_"I don't get it, Cas. Why isn't it working?"_

_"I don't know, Dean," Castiel was worried, thinking there might be something seriously wrong with the baby. When his borrowed grace had backfired on hi after the demise of Metatron, and him and Dean had been forced to expel it from his body, he'd been left one hundred percent mortal. He wished he could cure the baby of whatever currently plagued him with one of his healing touches, or at least get rid of all those bruises, but that angel talent hadn't been within his capabilities for a very long time, now. _

_He felt the ache of his humanity sorely now, as Cas looked at Luke's red scrunched face, tears leaking from his eyes. Strangely enough, Castiel had started growing attached to the little boy. He was just so small and helpless and needed to be protected. Even now, he relied solely on the three of them for everything, such as food, comfort and safety. He was concerned by Luke's bruises and his constant crying, as it began to stir something in Castiel that he didn't quite recognize. A sort of paternal instinct that he didn't know he had was taking shape. _

_Fed up and tired, Dean as cranky as Luke, he sank down on to the couch, putting the baby up on his shoulder and instinctively rubbing his back. Sam let off a long winded sigh as he eyed the both of them, Castiel sitting down beside Dean._

_They were all resigned to a miserable night of no sleep and dealing with a crying baby till dawn, when after about five minutes, they suddenly realized that Luke had finally stopped crying._

_All three men took a second to let the realization sink in, when Castiel blurted out, "Dean, don't move."_

_Dean froze, immediately on the alert. "What? What is it?"_

_Castiel nodded his head down at Luke. "He's asleep on your shoulder."_

_Sam looked over in amazement and saw that it was true. Luke seemed all tuckered out, head lolling on Dean's shoulder, Dean's arm tucked securely underneath his diapered bottom._

_"Oh great, now my arm's falling asleep."_

_"You can't move, Dean," Cas calmly reminded him. They would now go to any lengths to make sure Luke stayed asleep. No such risk would be taken. This was the first time they hadn't had a screaming baby in their ear for hours._

_Sam got up and grabbed one of the pillows off the couch. "Here, use this." He approached Dean, kneeling down in front of him and fitting the pillow in the space between his lap and his elbow, so it supported Luke's weight and rested Dean's arm._

_"Is that okay?"_

_"Do you expect me to sit like this all night?"_

_"Yes," Sam and Castiel replied together, their overlapping tones provided no room for argument._

_Dean gave them both a withering look and then gave off a frustrated huff, knowing he had no other choice. "Fine, but can someone turn on the TV then?"_

_Sam, dead on his feet, handed the remote to Castiel and bid his goodnight, heading upstairs to the spare bedroom to rest for a couple of hours._

_The large flat screen flickered on. "What do you want to watch?" Cas asked._

_"I don't know, just turn down the volume," Dean reminded him._

_Castiel ran through the TV guide, not much was on at four-thirty in the morning, but he found a sports channel and left it on that. He knew Dean liked to watch baseball. "I'll stay up with you."_

_"No, go get some sleep, Cas. It's fine." Dean reached out to take the remote from him, but seeing as he couldn't get very far with Luke asleep on his shoulder, he groped futiely at Cas's knee. "Just give me the damn remote," he grunted._

_"No, I want to watch the game," Cas replied, keeping the remote out of his husband's reach and placing it on the arm of the couch, setting his gaze ahead on the TV._

_Sensing that he had an ulterior motive, Dean was immediately suspicious and having learned that it was best to deal with whatever Cas's problem was directly, Dean said, "Cas, you have never been able to understand sports and you're not gonna start now." His husky voice softened, coaxing and curious, "What is it, Cas?"_

_Castiel gave off a long sigh, knowing what he was about to say meant taking a very big step and also a very big risk. Maybe it was wrong, but to hell with it, he couldn't deny his feelings of attachment for Luke. The baby had shown up on his doorstep in the dead of night, in need of shelter and care, which Castiel was more than willing to provide for him. He'd fed him, changed him, tried over and over again to soothe him and Castiel found he really wanted to keep doing those sorts of things for Luke. He'd developed a certain fondness for the baby and didn't want to give that up on all of that just yet._

_Straightforward as ever, he looked Dean right in the eye and said, "I think we should keep the baby."_

_Dean was speechless, that being the last thing he thought Cas would say. He tried to respond, his brain scrambling for the right words. NO being a pretty good start._

_But, as he opened his mouth to argue back, he found that he couldn't. Dean wasn't going to deny that he'd started getting pretty attached to the little tyke, too. And it's not like keeping Luke hadn't crossed his mind more than once tonight. Truthfully, they' d already been looking into a couple of different adoption agencies and were crawling forward on that whole process, having just started out on their decision to become parents. But, as soon as Luke had fallen asleep on him, Dean had felt a little twinge of something deep inside him. Like a sudden spark of warmth and affection. Mostly he was just bewildered that Luke had been comfortable enough with Dean to lower all of his defenses and fall asleep, secure in his arms. _

_Not to mention, Luke was an orphan now, not unlike himself. Dean was honestly a little worried about him being put in to a foster home or going to an orphanage so young. Sure, he was a cute little baby and they always got snapped up quick, but then again, what if Luke didn't go to a good home and by giving him up, Dean had only sealed his fate?_

_At least, if Luke stayed with them, Dean knew for certain that he'd be safe, loved and provided for._

_Castiel stayed patient as Dean worked through all of this silently, knowing that he was trying to wrap his head around the idea. "I, um . . . I don't know, Cas," he finally said._

_Castiel's blue eyes softened, ready to make his case. "Look, Dean, I know that every attempt you've made at leading a normal life before has failed."_

_He watched Dean's lips tightened into a thin line and his jaw set, eyes growing hard. Pain flashed in his green depths before the walls went straight up, his natural defense anytime anyone was remotely near mentioning Ben or Lisa. Even years later, it was still difficult for him to talk about and it was all unspoken signs that Castiel would be decked in the face if he ventured further. But, he figured he was safe with Luke asleep on Dean. He wouldn't risk waking him despite his inner turmoil. _

_Carefully avoiding saying their names, Cas pressed onward. "But, we've been married for four years now and it's been quiet. There haven't been any demons or angels after us, and there's only been a very small handful of monsters. Nothing bad has happened, we've been doing great so far. We're _**safe**_, Dean." Castiel took a second for that to sink in before he continued, "And given the chance, Dean, you make an absolutely great father. I know you want a family of your own, you always have, baby. This little guy can be the start of that."_

_Dean sighed heavily. It was true. He, even more than Sam, had fervently dreamed for a married life and kids, a real home with a backyard and a safe, happy, little apple pie life. The Hunter's life was something he would have never chosen for himself, had he been given the choice to lead a normal life. It'd always worn him down and weighed on him more than it ever did Dad or Sam and even Bobby. Even in those very early years, after Sammy had left for Stanford, Dean was tired of the gig. Dean had always secretly harbored envy for his brother, how he got out and defied their dad. Sam was stronger than Dean that way._

_When he'd lived with Lisa and Ben after losing Sam to Hell it'd been fine for awhile, Dean had gotten a part of his apple pie life dream. But then Sam had shown up, Dean being pulled back into the fray with Lisa's blessing and his brother back at his side. He tried to balance his two lives, one of the Hunter and the other a happily settled domestic boyfriend. And it was actually going pretty well, until the truth about Samuel came out, Crowley commissioned them for monsters and the shocking revelation that Sam was soulless and damaged. Lines were blurred, everything was messy and confusing and Dean was fervently pursuing any which way to get Sam's soul back. After briefly getting turned into a vampire and suffering that particular brand of hell, nearly harming Ben in the midst of it all, Dean really began to doubt how long his makeshift family would last. How long he could keep playing house and simultaneously keep his Hunter status. _

_It came crashing down all too soon. The demons had inevitably squirmed their way through the cracks, like he'd always feared and Dean's life was uprooted once again. They captured Ben and Lisa, held them hostage and Lisa nearly died in the midst of his rescue, landing her in the hospital. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do, but Dean left them behind. With all of their memories of Dean swiped by Cas, he had burned that bridge to ash and Dean never thought he'd be able to settle down again, hunting until the day the job killed him._

_But then, after spending much too long apart and plenty of forced denial, he'd finally gotten together with Cas, left the Hunter life behind and settled down with him, the silver wedding band glinting on Dean's left ring finger marked his commitment as Castiel's husband and was the ultimate symbol of just how "settled" his life was. Dean really did want a family, but wasn't quite sure Luke should be the start of that, almost too afraid to allow himself that sort of hope just yet._

_"Yeah, but- I mean," Dean tried to gather his thoughts, understanding where Castiel was coming from and wanting to say yes to him, but unsure about it. As he tried to come up with something, he brought up his hand and rubbed Luke's back absently, just needing to do something with his hands. "Cas, every time we've talked about having kids, we've always said that it'd be better to adopt an older child, so we wouldn't have to deal with all this baby crap. Do you really want to have a baby?"_

_Cas smiled, his eyes lighting up, his usually low gruff voice coming out soft and loving, "I think it'd be nice to have a baby. It's a brand new little life to nurture." His gaze shifted to Luke and another tiny smile twitched his lips up, his blue eyes filling with a look of absolute adoration. _

_God damnit, Dean never wanted to take that look off of Cas's face. It was so very open and soft and something altogether different than the look of love he always directed at Dean. He could feel himself falling in love with his husband all over again as Cas continued to gaze down at Luke. _

_Dean tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling. He really did want to keep Luke, and somewhere deep down, that same twinge of warmth he'd felt earlier started to grow inside of him. Cas was right, they were safe, they wanted a family and had already been talking to some different adoption agencies. So what if Luke wasn't what they'd been expecting? He was here now, and in need of a home, which Dean and Cas could most certainly and readily provide for him. _

_Knowing better than to kick a gift horse in the mouth and finally giving in to that bit of hope, Dean finally said, "Damnit, Cas, you drive a hard bargain."_

_"Really, Dean?" the hope in his voice was undeniable._

_Giving off a heavy sigh, Dean nodded. "Yeah, Cas, I want this, too."_

_Castiel smiled, big and wide, as he leaned over and kissed Dean on the cheek. "Thank you, Dean."_

_Dean's eyes softened, "Of course, Cas."_

_They both turned their attention to Luke, Dean's hand still on his back and Castiel brushed a soft kiss atop his head, gentle enough not to wake him._

_"Welcome home, Lucas," Castiel whispered._

_A certain warmth grew in Dean's chest and he smiled softly, snuggling comfortably into the circle of Cas's arms as Luke shifted slightly on his shoulder, his breath tickling his ear. With the three of them all cozy together on the couch, the TV still playing quietly in the background, Dean found himself perfectly content in this moment, even though the life altering decision he and Castiel had just made loomed over their heads. This could very well turn out to be a bad decision, but they'd already fought off both Heaven and Hell for this little piece of happiness that they'd found in life together._

_So, why not tempt fate and add a little boy to the mix?_

* * *

As Castiel cracked another egg in a bowl to mix with the milk and spices for scrambled eggs, the bacon sizzling and popping in the pan on the stove, he thought back on how after that first night, they'd taken Luke to the hospital in the morning. Between the three of them they'd managed to get about fours of sleep combined, all were beyond exhausted and drained, Sam driving them as Dean fed Luke another bottle of formula in the car. They never even mentioned their decision to keep Luke to Sam, forgetting in their sleep deprived states that he didn't know. It wasn't until they were at the hospital that the cat had suddenly been let out of the bag.

Dean was fighting with the ER doctor over Luke's health, Sam trying to pull him back and intervene when Dean had finally revealed that he and Castiel were going to adopt Luke, so the doctors should just, "shut up, do their job and get him patched up quick so they could take him home."

Sam was understandably taken aback and sat down with his brother and Castiel after the doctor had walked off, trying to figure out what was going on. They'd told him their adoption plan and Sam took it all in stride, more than used to how quickly his brother could switch gears on him and knowing that he and Cas had been looking into adoption already. Sam wasn't one to question how the universe worked itself out and if a blessing came along for the Winchesters, you grabbed it and held on tight. He agreed with them heartily, saying that he couldn't have been happier for them. "I guess I have a nephew, now, huh?"

The doctor had confronted the boys in the first place because of Luke's alarming physical condition. He'd been dehydrated and slightly malnourished, evidence of the three days he'd spent under Mama Ghoul's care. But, even more unsettling was the fact that he had such grotesque bruises all over his little body. Some of his more recent bruises had been inflicted by the ghoul- which they did not explain to the doctors -when she was probably trying to aggressively shut Luke up. It made Dean and Sam wonder why Mama Ghoul had not just decided to eat Luke, finally figuring out that since ghoul's usually fed on dead rotting corpses and then if they suddenly switched over to raw meat, infant babies must not taste very good to them. Ghouls must prefer their food a little more well aged.

But, some of Luke's bruises had clearly been inflicted before the ghoul had killed his mother, as they were older and yellowing. There was also evidence of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the doctor having noted that Luke's face was slightly deformed. Apparently, Luke was much too tiny for being born at full term and was below the average weight for a month old baby. It turned out that Luke's mom had been abusing him and that he did have FAS, his mother obviously having drunk while she was pregnant with Luke.

Concerned with Luke's obvious lack of care and negligence and thinking abuse, the doctor had approached Dean with these allegations and was warily trying to hold he, Castiel and Sam responsible. When Dean had admitted that they were going to adopt Luke, the story had quickly changed. His mother was deemed unfit to care for Luke, for obvious reasons, and was then released into her cousin's custody, that being Dean. Him and Castiel were now his legal guardians and soon hopefully parents. They'd only had him for a couple of days and had taken Luke to the hospital because he still seemed malnourished and wanted to get a physical done. Dean brushed off the FAS, even though he had no clue what it was at the time, acting like he already knew about it. The doctor accepted the story, which just happened to be the one not farthest from the truth and they'd been able to take Luke home later that same day, after his physical was done and he was given some more sustenance.

The only injuries Luke had suffered from were the bruises, which eventually healed over time. Everything else checked out and Luke's FAS wasn't too serious, no mental retardation issues or major birth defects as far as the doctor's could determine. His face was slightly deformed, as that was what had tipped the doctor's off in the first place. Luke had a small, undeveloped jaw and his upper lip was too thin, along with underdeveloped fingernails and toenails. On their way out of the hospital, Dean and Castiel had been given a FAS information packet, promises that Luke would grow to a healthy weight and normal length in time, along with plenty of instructions and warnings to watch for any signs of developmental delays as Luke grew older. There wasn't much they could do for him as a baby and Luke suffered no life threatening complications from his disease. They could only keep an eye on Luke as he got older and watch out for any emotional or behavioral problems that might stem from the FAS.

With that, Castiel and Dean had become parents. Sam had stayed with his new little nephew at the house for most of that first day, as Dean and Cas kept making trips back and forth to Babies-R-Us and buying more and more baby stuff that they'd forgotten to get during the first couple of rounds.

It had been absolutely terrifying, unexpectedly taking in a sick infant, but Dean and Castiel made it work and threw themselves into this parenting thing whole heartedly. The tried to figure out what Luke should call the both of them, and after throwing different options back and forth for a bit, they finally settled on "Daddy" for Dean and "Papa" for Cas, both happy with their roles. They did all the research they could get their hands on when it came to Luke's FAS and busily went about turning Dean's home office into a nursery. They stocked up on bottles, formula and diapers and bought a high chair, even though Luke had no use for it yet. They got a bunch of different toys and play mats, a bouncer for the living room and the only thing they never seemed to quite figure out were the baby clothes, just picking out whatever Luke was comfortable in and making sure to get plenty of socks for him. Though Dean couldn't really help himself when it came to baby Batman onsies. He may or may not have gotten about fives different ones for Luke when Cas's back was turned. It was safe to say that they became pretty loyal Babies-R-Us customers and over at Walmart, Dean came to know some of the overnight employees by name due to his ever frustrating habit of running out of diapers oh so conveniently right at midnight.

Now, seven months later, Cas had gained a son, the nursery was finished and he was currently drowning in diapers and baby formula. But despite everything, he was feeling mostly settled into this new life. It was exciting and fun, draining and exhausting always, but still worthwhile and fulfilling. He really loved Luke and it was amazing how much his entire world had changed since that first day. He'd stepped into his role as Papa as seamlessly as ever, Castiel's heart pounding with the word _Father_ and something solidifying within his chest when Dean had shouted at the doctors, telling them that he and Cas were going to adopt Luke. It suddenly became real to him in that very moment. He was a father, now.

Castiel stood at the stove, cooking the scrambled eggs, the bacon done and put off to the side, when he felt an arm snake itself around his waist from behind. Dean rested his chin on Cas's shoulder, his warm breath ticking his ear as he said, "Mmm, eggs and bacon?"

Castiel nodded, it was their fairly standard breakfast, but fully understood that the way to Dean's heart was most definitely through his stomach. "Luke's bottle is ready on the counter if he's hungry."

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Dean said, murmuring into Cas's ear and making the hairs on the back of neck stand up. There was a tingle that ran down his spine and his breath hitched when Dean began to nibble a bit at his neck. Foreplay, really? Now? Dean was wanting some right in the middle of eggs and a hot stove, not to mention a baby they needed to feed?

"You could stand to mention it more," Cas quipped, turning to face his husband and breaking the hold Dean had on him.

"I love you." Dean leaned in and pecked Castiel on the lips as Cas wrapped his arms around his husband and son, telling Dean without words that they would finish this later, when Luke wasn't currently in the room.

"Good morning, my little man." Castiel brushed a good morning kiss across his son's head as the baby cooed and smiled happily up at his papa. Cas breathed out a contented, happy sigh, for it felt as if he held his entire life right here in his arms.

Wait . . . no, that wasn't right. Dean was his life, but then Luke . . .

With a sudden pleasant, painless tug and pulling in his chest, like his heartstrings were tethered tight around the little baby squirming in Dean's arms, Castiel realized that Luke had become his heart.

* * *

**A.N: Okay, so that's it for now, folks. Granted, I won't keep Luke a baby in this story forever, but I will cover how he grows up in the next chapter, mostly cuz I want to see how Dean and Cas would grow and identify as parents. **


	3. I'm Only Human

**A.N: I was listening to **_Human_** by Christina Perri, which actually fit very well with the "theme" of this chapter, so to speak.**

**I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

_I'm only human_

_Just a little human_

_I can take so much until I've had enough_

_Cause I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down _

_I'm only human and I crash and I break down_

* * *

It was a week later when the shit hit the fan, like it always does, and Luke was officially diagnosed with colic. There began the worst period of Dean and Castiel's lives so far as parents and it was the only time they ever took a harsh look at their decision to keep Luke.

It was awful, the baby was stressed, Dean was sick of the constant noise and self-blame and Cas felt utterly overwhelmed, like he was hopelessly floundering. Dean was angry and upset, their son wasn't faring any better and there was nothing Castiel could do about it. It all came to a head one night, when after a month of dealing with a constantly screaming baby, Dean came home from work and got into a ridiculously stupid argument with Castiel, as both shouted to be heard over Luke's ever shrieking cries.

Dean eventually stormed out, slamming the front door behind him and shook the houses frame in his wake. Castiel was left holding onto a sobbing Luke, dejected and profoundly discouraged, a mixture of emotions rolling through him and Cas desperately hoped Dean wasn't headed to the bar.

Dean, surprisingly, did not go to the bar, though it did call out to him loud and clear as he drove past it on his way out of town. Though Lawrence, Kansas was mostly farm country, Dean and Cas lived a little more in town, so Dean had to drive about ten miles in any which direction to get to the more wide open spaces. He'd always felt like he could breathe a little easier out here, as Dean's head was already starting to clear, surrounded on all sides by endless green hills and the bright stars up above.

He drove for a bit and then Dean parked his baby in some abandoned pasture, grabbed a beer from the cooler in the back and sat up on the Impala's hood. He watched the stars and let himself unwind from everything for five freaking minutes, breathing in the warm summer night air as a group of fireflies flickered out in the quiet field.

When Dean finished his single beer, he ran over his argument with Cas, saw where his mistakes lye and tried not to feel too guilty for leaving Luke behind like that. He kept telling himself that it wasn't his fault and that the colic would soon pass, giving their son back to Dean and Cas in time. It was a mantra he'd repeated to himself over and over for the past month, and truth be told, it didn't make him feel any better.

Dean gave an involuntary shudder, colic cries were the absolute worst to hear as a parent, because they weren't like a healthy babies cries. They were so much more loud, screaming and high-pitched and they lasted for hours on end. It was a sound that Dean never, ever would get used to, like Luke's little body was being constantly lit up on fire. To be honest, when the colic first hit, Dean thought that Luke had been possessed by a demon, his cries were that horrendously awful and downright terrifying. He'd discreetly and without telling Cas, tossed a bit of holy water on Luke at bath time just to make sure.

For Dean, the worst part was his utter lack of something to do, because there was _nothing. _Nothing at all soothed a colicky baby and they just had to hold Luke throughout each episode. Though he wasn't in any pain, Luke's body would tense up and he seemed to want to curl in on himself. Unable to stop crying, he would draw up his knees to his chest, ball up his hands into little clenched fists and kept his back and stomach muscles pulled taught. Luke held himself fairly rigid and assumed this position throughout the entire time that he cried. It made it that much more difficult to hold him, but Dean and Cas became permanent residents of the rocking chair in Luke's nursery, taking turns throughout the night to rock Luke.

No matter what they tried, nothing calmed the baby down. Luke wouldn't eat, so bottles were out of the question. Dean could sing Hey Jude till his voice was hoarse, Cas had tried out a noise machine. They could soak Luke in a warm bubble bath all night, drive him around in the Impala for hours, try and distract Luke with toys and wrap him up snug in every fuzzy baby blanket Luke had to his name, but at the end of the night, they could only rock back in the chair and hope that their sweet murmurs and whispered words of comfort was enough for Luke and that this would all pass some day. This had been their way of life for an entire month now.

Dean was also upset, because despite the demon possessing colic, there were a couple very sacred hours in the afternoon, where Luke was back to himself and they caught a mere glimpse of their happy son before the ear piercing shrieks started up at four pm, like clockwork every damn day. Luke usually cried through the night and then he'd drop off sometime in the early morning. He would sleep most of the day, then wake up and play in the afternoon. He'd get something to eat, hang out with Cas and was just _Luke_. He was happy, healthy and one hundred percent normal for those couple of precious hours.

Unfortunately, Dean more often than not missed that time with Luke and just got him screaming his head off when he finally got home from work around seven. Cas stayed home with Luke all day and was privy to Happy Luke all the time and Dean admitted that he was jealous of him for that. It wasn't fair and he knew there was nothing he could do about it, but still, it hurt. And compared to Cas, Dean couldn't help but feel like he was failing Luke as a father- and had been all of an ass to his husband lately. The kid hadn't even reached his first birthday yet and Dean already felt he was screwing everything up. Hell, he'd been there more for his younger brother Sam, as a four-year-old, snot-nosed little kid, than he'd been there for his own son now as an adult.

It's not that Dean didn't want or feel the need to be with Luke when he was hurting like this, but it was just the constant crying all night long that grated on Dean in the worst possible way. And with nothing he could do about it, he threw himself into his work at the garage, taking on longer shifts or big projects so he'd get home later. He'd go out with his friends after work on occasion, and it's not like Dean needed permission from Cas to blow off a little steam, but he couldn't say that he was all that sorry when he finally got home from the bar around two am. He'd even been readily taking on the odd hunting job with Sam during the past couple of weekends.

Dean told himself that he was just trying to provide for his family, just having a good time when out with friends and when he hunted, it was just work that needed doing, nothing more. But deep down, Dean knew the truth and all of those excuses were just a load of shit.

He was avoiding home because of Luke and Dean was acting like a damn pussy and a piss poor excuse for a father, because he was unable to handle the pain of his own son's cries. Dean knew Cas was hurting because of his evade and avoid tactics, too. He missed Cas, a lot more than Dean cared to admit.

They'd stopped talking a long time ago and Dean hated that. He hated how they were steadily becoming so estranged and hated that Cas wasn't eating anymore and hated the entirety of the situation that they were now in. With sudden clarity, a rush of ice water spread throughout Dean's veins as he realized that he and Cas were simply not going to make it, if they kept on the way that they were going.

Though, as usual, Dean tried to bury his guilt and internal frustrations. But, since his usual coping methods- violence and alcohol -were out of the question, he coped by unwillingly letting it all out on Cas and Sam in random bursts of upset anger and fishing around for stupid arguments, like he'd done with his husband tonight.

It wasn't perfect, but it was far better than how Dean used to deal with all of this crap. It was better than getting wasted every other night and shooting up a monster just for the thrill of it. Dean was trying to deal, he really was.

Dean heaved a heavy sigh he looked back up at the sky, the stars twinkling bright above him and tried to muster up the courage to go back home and face his family.

* * *

Castiel was left holding onto a screaming Luke as the house shook in the wake of Dean's exit.

He heaved a heavy sigh, shifting his hold on Luke. Cas was exhausted and had been so for weeks now, Luke's colic a never ending strain on his physical, mental and emotional well-being. He couldn't even get up the strength to go after Dean, nor did he have any real need to call him and continue their very loud "discussion." Dean would either come back or he wouldn't, and honestly, Castiel couldn't find it in himself to really care.

It took everything in Castiel to grit his teeth and be there for Luke all night long and he was fed up with Dean and his fickle ways over the last couple of weeks. Luke wasn't getting any better, Dean was angry and upset and Cas felt like it all fell on his shoulders, seeing as he seemed to be the only one at least trying to keep them all somewhat intact.

He was the one who took the last shift with Luke every night, before the baby dropped off to sleep in the morning, so Dean could get some good rest before he had to go to work the next day. Even though he was tired Cas usually made up some breakfast for Dean, and half the time he would barely get a grumbled thanks from Dean as he hurried out the door.

When Castiel made sure that Luke was sleeping, he got his own rest, sleeping most of the morning with the baby monitor in reach. At noon, Castiel ate if he could, because some days his stomach was too unsettled and queasy to eat anything. Not long after that, Luke would finally awake and Luke would be good for a bit, eating and playing, before his colic started up again at four. And the cycle repeated itself, every single day, just like that.

Castiel's entire world revolved in and around Luke, because the colic demanded it so. And he figured something had to give in the midst of all of that, because Dean and him were barely even talking anymore. It was usually just a few words here and there, as they handed Luke off back and forth to each other throughout the night. They slept in shifts, each of them taking Luke for a couple of hours at a time. Castiel remembered at the beginning of this whole ordeal, Dean and him had weathered it together, staying up with Luke the entire time and though they were both deprived of any and all sleep, at least they'd been together and were united in this awful nightmare. But now that had become a thing of the past and it's not like they could talk much about each other's days when Castiel refused to put a screeching Luke down while Dean ate his dinner, as he himself usually skipped that meal.

Still, even through the fog of the last month, Cas remembered making a concerted effort to act like everything was normal even though it wasn't. Dean couldn't even do that, to play along with him for just a bit, that was all Castiel really wanted. He remembered trying to get outside one sunny weekend early on in the colic and go to the park, like a normally functioning family. Dean had come along, almost begrudgingly, but they'd only made it a couple of blocks in the stroller before Luke started screaming and they'd had to head back home. Dean had gotten all fidgety, anxious and embarrassed about the way their neighbors stared at them as they walked back down the sidewalk. Dean tried to hurry them all home, clearly hating the situation, but was unable to do much about it.

It was shortly after that, when Dean started avoiding the house and he and Cas steadily stopped talking, a rift having now formed between them. Castiel continued to keep up the house and cooked meals for Dean in between the breaks in Luke's schedule, even though he was barely eating himself and was beyond exhausted, day in and day out. There was only so much he could do before he eventually shorted out, too.

There was the night, when after a very long day for the both of them- Luke having miraculously gone down early -Castiel had crawled into bed and tried to cuddle with his husband, but was denied, Dean brusquely brushing him off. It'd stung and Cas was hurt, because he wasn't even looking for sex, he just wanted a bit of comfort and warmth and thought Dean would have appreciated it, too.

But, Dean kept steadily distancing himself from Castiel and from the house in general, taking longer shifts at the garage and then going out with his co-workers after. Cas didn't miss how overly eager he'd been to go on the salt and burn run with Sam last weekend. Maybe it wasn't exactly intentional, but it was a simply a way for Dean to get rid of Luke's screams, which Castiel knew haunted Dean even in his sleep.

In return, Castiel drew away from Dean, confused and aching, trying to give Dean the space he needed to work through it on his own. Though, he had a feeling the way that they were trying to handle this was all wrong and that it probably wasn't healthy. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of Castiel's stomach, that last argument with Dean was evidence enough.

He needed Dean home more often, he desperately wanted to have a sit down conversation with his husband that didn't revolve around Luke or colic or work, and he needed some sleep too- but that wan't happening. Castiel wished his stomach would stop aching and that he wouldn't immediately throw up anything he managed to choke down. The stress was too much on him and it's like his body couldn't handle food, like it was just too much for his system to process with everything else going on. Had Dean even noticed that he'd lost almost seven pounds over the past month?

Castiel was wrenched back in to the present by Luke, whose shrieks and screams suddenly took a turn and were pitched even higher, which meant his body curled in on itself even more and Luke was that much more uncomfortable. For the first time, Castiel actually felt like collapsing then and there to cry along with Luke, as he brushed away a few tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

It was just too damn much. Dean, Luke, the colic, himself. Nothing was good enough, neither one of them was okay and for the first time, Cas truly understood what drowning meant.

He made his way up the stairs, his feet heavy as Luke cried and cried, his little body held rigid in his father's arms. Castiel settled himself in the rocking chair and let a few tears escape him as he held on to his son, desperately hoping and wanting for Dean's strong embrace throughout the night.

* * *

Dean heaved a heavy sigh and having now disentangled all of the feelings constricting his chest and worked through it all on his own, he finally formulated a plan to keep both his and his husbands's sanities intact and then headed home.

Dean found Castiel in the nursery upstairs, rocking Luke. The baby was crying, as he always was at this time of night. But, somehow Cas looked even more pitiful than their son, his blue eyes were red rimmed and clouded over. He moved back and forth in the chair like a machine, his hold slack on Luke. When Cas looked up at Dean, there was a spark of daring hope in his eyes.

Dean didn't say a single word. He crossed the floor, approached Castiel and then gathered the both of them up, holding his husband and son tight in his arms. Dean began to whisper, "I'm sorry," over and over again, breathing it like a desperate pleading prayer over his family, and in a way, it kind of was.

After a minute, Dean realized his shirt was wet with more than just Luke's streaming tears.

Dean buried his face into Cas's shoulder and held onto him tighter as Luke's insistent cries rang in their ears, conveying without words his promise to stand by Castiel in remembrance of the vows they'd said at their wedding. He knew he'd screwed up major, but he was never going to leave them like that again, that was certain. Dean was going to do better for Cas, for Luke, for himself- they had to, if they were ever going to get through this.

Castiel understood the message loud and clear. The strength of Dean's embrace lifted him up and the affection he so sorely needed from Dean broke Castiel down all at the same time. It was an intense bundle of different emotions rolling through him and he somehow knew that _this_, whatever it may be, Castiel knew that it was the start of making things right between them. He was just so tired, of _everything. _And to have Dean here with him, standing side by side once again, it meant all the world to Castiel. He hadn't realized just how much he relied on Dean's support, for he needed it just as as much as Dean needed his.

Dean took Luke for the rest of the night and after he went down, Dean sat down with Castiel and discussed his plan with him. Cas agreed happily and took Dean's hand over the table, his smile tired, but still warm and just for Dean. Castiel led Dean up the stairs after, hand still held firmly in his own and they lay down in bed together that night, entangled in each other.

They got through the rest of the colic simply by remembering to take time out for themselves, Dean having reached an epiphany that night when he'd stormed out of the house. Whether it was alone or together, they'd drop Luke off at Sam's and just relax, go out, or more often not, sleep. It wasn't an everyday thing, but a couple of days a week at least, maybe an actual date night on the weekends. It gave them time to just breathe, which was something they'd essentially forgotten to do for themselves during the first month of Luke's colic. Castiel eventually got his appetite back after going to the doctor's and getting some medicine to manage his anxiety. Eventually, all of his daily nausea symptoms went away and Castiel was able to gain all of his weight back.

They'd eat dinner together, because Dean came home every night, now. Cas would take Luke to see Dean at work when he was feeling good. His boss understood the time that Dean needed with his family and how difficult the colic was on Dean and graciously allowed him thirty minutes of extra break time, just to spend with Cas and Luke. Dean and Castiel started really talking again, were sleeping together and both men were on the emotional mend after finally meeting each other somewhere in the middle.

Their life went on like this for another two months, when the colic finally passed and was done, they were actually pretty proud of themselves for not having murdered anyone. Dean and Cas were more than grateful to have their son retuned to them; Luke suffered no lasting ill effects from the colic and it was like it'd never even happened, he didn't seem bothered in the slightest.

One day Luke just stopped all of his crying entirely and Dean and Cas were finally granted the best full night's sleep they'd had in three long months.

* * *

All of a sudden, Luke's first birthday was upon before they could even blink, and Dean and Castiel quickly put together a party for him, celebrating with Sam, his new girl, Charlie, Iris and some other parent's and their kids, all of which they counted as extended family. They'd been putting down roots and building relationships in this neighborhood and they were happy to see the fruits of their labor gathered around the birthday boy as he dove into his mini smash cake.

Charlie's camera flash was going off like crazy, though Dean did not remember asking her to be the photographer, he was happy someone had decided to do it, cuz it most certainly wasn't gonna be him. He was a little too busy stealing kisses from Luke's other daddy throughout the course of the party, and also taking any chance he got to make fun of Sam in front of his new girlfriend. Prime opportunities like this were far and in-between and Dean took to filling out his older brother resume very seriously. Humiliating little brother Sammy was something he could never get enough of. And Cas, well, Dean would never, _ever, _be able to get enough of Cas, whom he was currently leaning in to kiss on the cheek when Charlie suddenly barked out an order, motioning for Dean and Castiel to get in there and take a picture with just them and Luke.

Luke was covered in frosting and chocolate cake, it coating his bare chest and some cake was already in his hair. His parents settled in on either side of his high chair and Charlie snapped a few pictures, saying they looked great and happily bounced away, taking a few more pictures of the guests and their kids while also trying to pose Sam and his girlfriend out in the foyer.

Castiel caught Dean's eye over Luke's head and was glad to see that his expression mirrored his own, a mixture of pride and joy, Luke happily eating his cake between them.

They were proud of Luke, glad that he'd made it this far in life and hopeful for what the coming years would bring. Cas was proud of himself and Dean, too. Proud that they'd weathered the colic together, proud of Dean for suggesting they take time out for themselves and was all around happy for their growth as parent's. This life that they had together was a pretty damn good one and Dean couldn't have agreed with him more.

Drawn in by Castiel's gaze, Dean straightened up, moved around the high chair and gave his husband a lingering kiss, hands placed solidly around his waist.

All they got in warning was a muffled laugh, as the camera flash went off and Dean pulled away from Cas, huffing, as Charlie sped off to avoid Dean's murderous gaze. "Damn it, Charlie! Way to ruin the moment!"

"Dean," Castiel chastised, "Stop cussing in front of the baby."

He took Dean's chin and turned his face back towards his, eyes trailing down to his lips. "Now, where were we?"

* * *

**A.N: I would love to see what you guys think so far! The next chapter is gonna come up pretty quick. **

**Thank you so much for reading!**


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